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B.Sc( Engg.), MIE, MIWWA, MICI
Civil Engineer & CAD Specialist
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

* Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

* Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

* Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

* Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

* Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.


But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

-----------

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” 

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. 

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?

----------------

The Right Tie
-- Alvin Benas

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out.

"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough.

----

My Son
-- Matthew Terry

I stole a couple of minutes from work to give my wife a call. She put my two-year-old son on, and we chatted a while before he ended it with an enthusiastic "I love you!"

"I love you too," I said, with a dopey grin plastered on my face. I was about to hang up when I heard him ask sweetly, "Mommy, who was that?"

---------------

Little Problems
-- Rosalind Popov

Our school had just installed a new air-conditioning system, and a representative from the company wanted to make sure it was running smoothly. Poking his head into an empty classroom, he asked the teacher, "Any little problems here?"

"No," she said, smiling. "All our little problems have gone home

---------------

Love Letters
-- Sandra W.

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20s, and the man she was dating left for war. "We were in love," she recalled, "and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was."

"Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the war?" I asked.

"
Oh, I didn't marry the man who wrote the letters. Your grandfather was the mailman."

--------

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.

--------------------

 

SOME INTERESTING JOKES

A shocker of a letter

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.

Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel.

There, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail. However, he accidentally missed out one letter in her address.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been ‘called home to glory’ following a heart attack.

The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. On reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. Her son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

From: Your Departed Husband

Subject: I’ve arrived!

I’ve just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.


When dogs call

A women came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee, and slapped him on the back of his head. " I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with a woman's name written on  it" she says, furious. " You had better have an explanation". " Calm down, honey" says the man. " Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on"
The next morning, his wife smacked him again. " What was that for?" asked the angry husband. " Your dog called last night" she said


Sweetheart

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart

Your husband

Allen

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1.. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2.. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3.. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three
kisses instead of the rent.
4.. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...........
5.. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart


LAUGHTER 

Laughter and anger are mutually exclusive. 
Laugh and your stress level will drop. 

When you laugh your cells laugh with you. 
Laughter improves the quality of life. 

Make room in your life for people who laugh. 
You'll do great things together. 

Look for the funny side of problems. 
The problems will become smaller. 

Fear shrinks away in the face of laughter. 
Laugh away the darkness. 

Life is hilarious if you take the time to look for the humor in it. 

Each time you laugh well, you lose THREE calories. GET SLIM! 

Learn to laugh at yourself. You're a fluke of the universe. 

Laughter helps you to release your creative abilities. 

Laugh Often - people who laugh have more friends. 


Jokes Continued Page-02, Page-03
 

 
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